Who Can We Ban Next?

You can imagine the NSW government will be very happy with the first headline from this Daily Telegraph graphic. The bottom line? Not so much.



If the NSW government, as this story claims, really does end up spending $4 billion or so on local businesses for government contracts that would have previously ended up overseas, then it's obviously good news.

But do you think they really had a choice?

The NSW Liberals and independents, along with the unions, would have been hammering Labor all the way to the next election if they still allowed police and fireys uniforms to be made overseas while local clothing manufacturing is hitting the skids.

As for NSW Bans China, well, what a surprise, the story itself says no such thing at all. Not even close.

But the Daily Telegraph gets to serve up its daily dose of xenophobia, along with a nice big Fuck You to China on behalf of the boss, who is still smarting over his failed efforts to grab a major slice of Chinese media action, a business experiment that cost him more than $1.4 billion.

He's Right, Suede Desert Boots Do Need Little Pendulums

Liam Gallagher, just about the best thing that happened to British rock in the 1990s, fashion designer and president of The International 'Sideburns Are Still Fookin Cool Innit?' Movement :



This story about Liam's love for Spinal Tap, from his brother Noel, is classic :

Liam thought Spinal Tap were real people.

We went to see them play in Carnegie Hall. Before they played, they came on as three folk singers from the film A Mighty Wind. We were laughing and he said, 'This is shit'.

We said: 'No, those three are in Spinal Tap. You do know they are American actors?'

'They're not even a real band?'

'They're not even English! One of them is married to Jamie Lee Curtis.'

'I'm not fuckin' 'avin that,' he says, and walks off right up the middle of Carnegie Hall.

He's never watched Spinal Tap since.

How much more Tap can you be? The answer is none, none more Tap.

Just clouds, in the skies above Sydney on Friday and Saturday. We don't look up anywhere near often enough.










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It's Not A Wonder Drug, Merv, It's A Wonder Vaccine

By Darryl Mason

As I wrote here on The Orstrahyun, June 4 :

Joel Fitzgibbon's resignation is just another curious example of Ruddlife imitating The Hollow Men, instead of the other way around. The episode where the PM's staff battled to decide whether it looked better for the prime minister to sack his defence minister, or accept his resignation, was only repeated on the ABC a couple of weeks ago.

The Budget episode of The Hollow Men, aired a week before treasurer Wayne Swann delivered the real one, was also full of key phrases and words that were put to good use when Swann and Rudd and Julia Gillard stepped in front of the media to sell it.

You'll know some sort of Evil Lefty ABC conspiracy is afoot if the Wonder Drug episode of The Hollow Men airs a week or two before the Rudd government begins seriously trying to sell the swine flu Wonder Vaccine

The instant classic 'Wonder Drug' episode of The Hollow Men aired again last Friday.

Next week begins the hardcore Big Sell by the Rudd government of a claimed swine flu vaccine.

RuddLife imitates The Hollow Men again.

The Rudd government has already committed to buy some 10 million doses of swine flu vaccine, even one that only has had, maximum, ten weeks of clinical trials :

Novartis, which has its Australian headquarters in Sydney, announced it had successfully completed cell-based production of the first batch of A(H1N1) vaccine.

"Based on that success, the company expects to be able to achieve rapid production," a Novartis spokesman said.

"The vaccine is in clinical trials now.''

Australian pharmaceutical company CSL said it would continue to develop a vaccine in Australia. Spokeswoman Dr Rachel David said CSL was conducting clinical trials of vaccines to determine the ideal dosage.

Nothing yet on possible side effects, and how the side effects compare to actually enduring and getting over a bout with swine flu.

No Australian deaths related to swine flu yet but the first fatalities blamed on the virus must only be a few days or a week away at the most. If not, Australia will be a curious anomaly as it will have some of the highest infection rates per capita but the lowest death rate.

The following numbers are of confirmed cases of infection, but the true numbers are probably far higher.

The government has confirmed 1441 cases of swine flu, including 1011 cases in Victoria, 160 in NSW, 90 in Queensland, 59 in Western Australia, 47 in South Australia, 41 in ACT, 17 in the Northern Territory and 16 in Tasmania.

I've been out of it for a few days with some kind of nasty bastard flu. That's why it's been quite around here. First time in a couple of years I've had anything that shut down the mini-writing factory for more than a day, or two. Don't like that. Forced to stop because the brain is too fogged out to function properly makes me very angry.

I went to the local medical centre to get checked out on Thursday, but it was standing room only. and they were only seeing "emergency cases", outside of those already booked in. First free appointment is Monday, 11pm. The only other two doctors within walking distance are likewise booked solid.

Either there are a lot of people around here feeling as utterly crap as I am, or a lot of locals have simply decided to exercise caution and headed to the doctor's when symptoms manifested they felt uneasy about.

There must be many other towns across Australia this weekend where it is next to impossible to find a doctor or medical centre that isn't fully booked.

Not much about swamped medical centres in the news yet. Maybe my neighbourhood is filled with hypochondriacs.

I knuckled last Monday, in spare hours, to finally finish the long overdue rewrite of the ED Day : Dead Sydney novel I published online in 2007 and 2008. It's a strange thing indeed to be working on a novel about life in Sydney after a flu pandemic at the same time a real pandemic is declared and then coming down with a flu that is fairly debilitating, heading for the local medical centre, finding it all but over-run with other flu patients....

I thought I became slightly obsessive with the hand-washing over the past few weeks. Didn't stop me from catching whatever this flu is.

I'd have to be feeling a hell of a lot sicker than this, however, before I volunteered to take a vaccine only a couple of weeks old, and fresh out of very brief clinical trials.

Obviously, there will be more on all this when the old energy levels return, and if I learn anything interesting from the doctor visit on Monday, I'll write it up here.

How Can You Not Blame Kevin Rudd?

First Dog On The Moon says way, way too much....

The Great International Swine & Jellyfish Global Warming Conspiracy

The second story about the near empty sauce bottle is equally brilliant.

Live And Learn, Don't Mess With Australian Women

By Darryl Mason

Gordon Ramsay doesn't get a lot of lip back from the women he insults in the British media, or the women he rains torrents of verbal abuse down on in his TV shows. You don't often, or ever, see women he's insulted get in his face and tell him to fuck off.

While Tracey Grimshaw and A Current Affair have been quick to capitalise on Ramsay's dickheaded attempt to be a stand-up comedian while in Australia, turning it into a ratings and profile bonanza for Grimshaw, it's been curious to see Ramsay's reaction to having a media shitstorm explode around him.

He's not in control of this, he's not in the bully domain of his kitchen, his kingdom, he's not in charge, and female journalists are now chasing him into hotel foyers shouting, "What do you want to call me, HUH?"

He needed a security guard to step in and stop the women who challenged him yesterday. He looked panicked. Worried. Uneasy.

Ramsay knows what his audience, and potential future audiences, across the world are seeing about him blasted across headlines and leading evening news bulletins. It's not tough Ramsay, or Sweary Ramsay, it's Weird & Creepy Ramsay :

...he showed an audience of several thousand at the Melbourne Good Food and Wine show a doctored photograph of a woman naked on all fours, with multiple breasts and a pig's face, announcing that it depicted Grimshaw, who had interviewed him on the previous night.

Yeah, that's not what anyone could call a whole load of good publicity.

Today, Tracey Grimshaw is soaking up the banner headlines and column inches of UK tabloids with her mostly impressive Go Hard back at Ramsay :

"Obviously Gordon thinks that any woman who doesn't find him attractive must be gay. For the record, I don't. And I'm not."

"Gordon Ramsay made me promise not to ask on Friday about his private life. He then got on stage on Saturday and made some very clear and uninformed insinuations about mine."

"We all know that bullies thrive when no one takes them on, and I'm not going to sit meekly and let some arrogant narcissist bully me."

"The guy's sort of on the ropes in many ways … his marriage must have been put under enormous pressure at the end of last year, his business has clearly been under enormous pressure, and his shows don't rate as well as they used to."

As Ramsay would put it, Fucking Ouch.

Tracey Grimshaw, thanks to Ramsay and A Current Affair quickly moving to make this minor news event into one hell of a big deal, is now enjoying spectacular ratings, and a sudden international profile.

And as sad as it is to say, this is a big story internationally, for this week at least.

So Kevin Rudd is not going to miss out on this action :

"All I could describe his remarks as reflecting is a new form of low life...'

New form of low life isn't bad, a bit over the top, but then that's Rudd, when he wants to hand over some instant headlines, and it sort of sounds like something a detective might have said on Underbelly.

But deputy PM Julia Gillard absolutely nails the moment :

"I think what he should do is confine himself to the kitchen and make nice things for people to eat..."

In other words, get back in the kitchen, food man. It's good advice.

Ramsay can learn a lot about delivering a killer funny line, with true sting and wit, from Julia Gillard.

While the publicity might seem to be a good thing, as in no publicity is bad publicity, for Ramsay's news series on Channel Nine, we may see Channel Nine actually use this opportunity to dump the expensive Ramsay now his ratings are heading for the toilet. Will all this media attention make more people tune into his show? Probably not. And when Channel Nine bails on his show, they will make it look like they smacked down this Jock git in the process.

It's not always a surprise to hear in the media that some famously aggressive man has punched a woman in the face, there has been plenty of that lately. But what Ramsay did in making that huge photo of multi-titted pig woman a part of his show was just downright bizarre, weird and plenty creepy. Forget Grimshaw. Why would he want to expose his audience to that?

And ulimatey it might prove harder for Ramsay to live down. Does he think the pig woman photo is funny? Or does he think it's erotic?

Maybe he should just call the whole bizarre episode A Piece Of Performance Art, instead of trying to make it sound like he has been treated unfairly, and done over.

It must cause Ramsay at least some grief that, yet again, women have again exposed him for the fuckwit that he is.


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Too Much Of A Coward To Have His Own Words Quoted Back To Him

By Darryl Mason

A few days later, The Professional takes a very similar stance to The Orstrahyun on the Gordon Ramsay publicity spectacular :

....will Channel Nine do the same and cancel future shows with Ramsay or will it reward him for attacking its star?

I submitted the following comment to The Professional Idiot's blog, where the freedom to debate on any subject is supposedly written in stone, and open to all comers, at 10.27am, Tuesday.

This is Andrew Bolt on Gordon Ramsay (April, 2008) :

"...I've fallen for the bloke. My kind of guy completely. More of him and civilisation is safe."

"I like particularly the standards Ramsay upholds...."

"He thinks reason beats irrational sentiment."

"Here's Ramsay coaching millions of Australians into Liberal values and making them seem contemporary."

"Ramsay...is an artist who uses them as tools to create something beautiful from nothing..."

"Make something of yourself, is his message. Test yourself. Find passion. Make a life and, in Ramsay's own passion, his values and his art, he has."

"(Gordon Ramsay) creates a noble calling from a job, and a life from a collection of days."

So, is civilisation still safer?

Is he still coaching Australians in "Liberal values"?

Is Ramsay still "my kind of guy completely."?

My comment quoting The Professional Idiot's own words in an earlier column on Gordon Ramsay hadn't made it into the comments when I checked at 11.37am, though other comments submitted by people not writing under their own names went up on a few minutes earlier, at 11.23am.

I resubmitted the exact same comment at 11.34am. No dice.

I tried one more time, at 3.56pm, thinking surely he isn't so ashamed and embarrassed of his enthusiastic praise of Ramsay's "Liberal values" that he'd censor his own words from his own blog comments?

It still didn't show up.

I sent him an e-mail asking if he still stands by his claims about Ramsay keeping civilisation safe.

Nothing.

So at 4.38pm, I sent this short comment, with a direct link back to The Professional Idiot's own column, archived at the Herald Sun, on Ramsay :

Do you stand by your April 2008 column where you claimed, amongst many other words of praise, that Gordon Ramsay personifies "Liberal values", that is, conservative values?

Your column, where you called Ramsay an "artist" also had you saying, "...I've fallen for the bloke. My kind of guy completely. More of him and civilisation is safe".

Now surely The Professional Idiot wouldn't censor a non-abusive comment that included only his own quotes about Gordon Ramsay, and a link back to his own column from which those quotes were pulled?

Surely The Professional Idiot can't be that precious?

Let's see.

UPDATE : The Professional Idiot really is that precious, none of my comments quoting his enthusiastic praise for Gordon Ramsay passed his censor.

So much for standing by what you say.

Interestingly, this Herald Sun columnist will not allow his own words to be republished on his blog when the quotes are attributed to him, but when Toaf put some of that big sigh Gordon Ramsay infatuation and praise in a comment under his name, and not The Professional Idiot's, well, up it went :



(click to enlarge)

"I Know I Left It Somewhere In The Shed About Five Years Ago..."

By Darryl Mason

The Murdoch media's The Punch is worth checking out, and it will be (to media watchers anyway) fascinating to see how it evolves in the months ahead. It seems to have gotten off to a pretty decent start.

Eventually, if it survives and thrives, The Punch will become a test site for Rupert Murdoch's hilariously ill-fated fantasy to try and get people to pay to read what he hasn't paid anyone to write.

But is there something more suspect going on over there?

A conspiracy-minded friend, now living in England, thinks yes.

"Hey, I checked out that website you sent me the link for."
"Rate My Bourbon Vomit Wall Paintings?" I asked.
"No, the other one."
"The Punch."
"Yeah, The Punch."
"Yeah? What did you reckon?"
"S'Alright. It's a Murdoch thing, isn't it?"
"Yeah," I said.
"So where's all the tits?"
"........what?"
"There's no tits. It's Murdoch, and no tits."
"This is Australia," I sad. "Rupert's mum doesn't let him run photos of some 18 year old girl's tits in his Australian media."
"Oh."
"So did you read any of it?"
"Yeah, a bit. If it's not going to have tits on it, it needs more sports and movies stuff, somewhere I can say how much fucking arse Terminator 4 sucked."
"I think The Punch is supposed to become like the Blog Discussion Of The Nation or something like that.I think they have higher aspirations than running an open thread on 'Terminator 4 : How Much Does This Movie Suck Arse?"
"Yeah? Well, good luck to them....There's something else, though. It's weird."
"What's that?" I asked.
"It made me want to go back to smoking pot."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"The Punch. That website. I looked at it, and I thought, 'Fuck me, I'm suddenly hanging to punch down some brekkie cones'."
"I don't think you can blame some website for those thoughts, can you?"
"Yeah, I can. Maybe it's subliminal or something, but just after I looked at it, I'm thinking about which geezer at my local might be good to score some hash off and if I still had my old bong kicking around in the shed somewhere."

Ridiculous you say? Perhaps. But what about these screenshots from The Punch?






I put the following question to The Punch editor David Penberthy at Twitter :



I'll update on any replies from 'Penbo'.

"You're Mad, You Bastard"

The first 8 1/2 minutes of the rarely seen 1971 Australian classic Wake In Fright :



The above video is obviously pretty crap quality, but a fully-restored uncut version of Wake In Fright will be screened this month at the Sydney Film Festival, and will hit DVD later in the year.

It's a brutal movie. Beautiful, and ugly as hell as well. For many Australians born in cities in the 1980s, Wake In Fright shows an Australia they are probably not familiar with, probably didn't even know existed.

The 7.30 Report has a great story on Wake In Fright and its remarkable restoration. It's a vital piece of Australian cinema history, and it was almost lost forever.

A short vid of claimed UFO footage shot on the weekend in Australia, featured on the front page of YouTube :

Less Kids Killing Themselves? Media Not Interested

This is probably the best piece of Australian news you'll hear today, or this month, and you can think the internet for at least of this good news :

During the past decade the suicide rate among young Australians has almost halved.

It is an extraordinary public health achievement, but one which has received little publicity.

Experts say a massive public education campaign and improvement in the treatment of depression are the key reasons for the success.

Here's how the rise of internet usage amongst teenagers added to the suicides averted :

The Reach Out website now gets 130,000 visits per month from young people.

The website's managers say being online is a big advantage.

"For a young person who suspects things are not OK, they might not know who to turn to or be afraid to talk to someone about it because they are afraid they will be judged," project manager Anna McKenzie said.

"So to be able to simply go online, Google something and have a look without anyone needing to know, that's really invaluable and that's what a lot of young people are doing at Reachout."

The Reach Out website was set up 10 years ago when Australia had one of the highest rates of youth suicide in the western world.

John Howard's decision to tighten gun laws in 1996 is also getting some of the credit, along with better methods of treating depression :

"After the new gun laws were introduced, the rate of gun suicide dropped twice as fast," Sydney University's associate professor Philip Alpers said.

"If you reduce the availability of firearms, especially to impulsive young men, then the number of people dying by gunshot reduces."

Less kids are killing themselves, for a variety of reasons, but the desire to end your life before you end high school appears to still be widespread, with less follow through, however :

"We've just had a national survey of mental health in Australia, rates of illness are as high as they ever were," Professor Hickie said.

"The good thing is that rates of suicide have gone down so we haven't yet dealt with the underlying problem, but we have got better at dealing with one of the worst outcomes."

Here's a damn good piece of news about Australian youth that should hit all the front pages and lead every evening news broadcast. It won't.

What an opportunity for the crumbling Australian mainstream media to put to death the gruesome lie that if "If It Bleeds, It Must Lead" that has so orientated so many journalists to believe that Nobody Wants To Hear Good News.

Turn the fact that the Australian youth suicide rate has HALVED in only ten years into the same kind of surreally hyped headline grabber as the average celebrity-related non-event and see what happens. See how the readers react.

The media may be surprised at just how many people want to hear good news, these days.

It certainly makes a pleasant change.

The Full Story Is Here


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How To Kill A Lively Conservative Blog Comments Thread - Speak Too Much Truth

By Darryl Mason

Blogs heavy on serious, not satirical, politics need opposing views and opinions in their comments if they want to really rack up those comment numbers. Apparently, this is important.

Groupthink in comments usually mean the threads go cold quickly. If everyone agrees with everyone else, there's not much to discuss, and nobody to insult, smear or defame.

This is why some of the most popular politically-charged blogs in Australia, for example, cannot do without a rabid Obamist Ruddian Green Lefty to pop his/her head up if most of those commenting there think John Howard should have a statue honouring him in every town square and that, one day, a generation of children will grow up believing that George W. Bush is right up there with Washington and Lincoln.

Conservative blogs need stupid Lefties in the comments so the groupthinkers gathered there will have a target to attack and vilify, to make themselves feel better.

This is why the most popular conservative blog in Australia often has Stupid Lefty Comments either written by the blogger, or the moderators, or both, under fake names.

An Allegedly Stupid Lefty stating something as simple as "War Is The Very Definition Of Immaturity"on a War On Iraq related post really fires up those conservative comment threads. For a while anyway. But then if that Allegedly Stupid Lefty starts stating undeniable facts, the groupthink comments quickly die away.

This comment thread at JF Beck's was getting into the 60s, one of the biggest comment counts ever seen on that blog, until I posted the following comment, number 69, which none of the usual suspects over there attempted to counter or even deny. It remains the last comment in the thread (as of this posting) :

"Did you get that theory from the fact that Bush was bragging to journalists in 1999 that he was going to go War On Iraq and finish what his daddy wouldn't, or couldn't?

"If you don't think The Bush administration totally capitalised on the tragedy of 9/11 to sell the Iraq War, you have some reading to do.

"Condi Rice, Bush and Cheney all called 9/11 an "opportunity" after the War On Iraq began."

You also get the feeling from reading all those Anonymous comments at Beck's that nearly all were written by the same, at most, two or three people.

If they stand so firmly by their beliefs and claims, why don't they post their thoughts under their real names?

It's not like they're leaking secret government reports or anything, it's just opinion. But not opinion they believe in enough to put their real names to.

"The Application Of A Questioning Mind Is The Best Way To Wisdom And Insight"

ABC Lateline host, Leigh Sales, on the benefits of healthy scepticism versus ideological denialism :

In our society, certainty has more cachet than doubt and that is making our public debate shallower than it ought to be. Some of Australia's highest profile commentators act, in public at least, as if they have never experienced a second of self-doubt or ever entertained the thought: "What if I am wrong?" Our age of cable television, talkback radio and blogs seems to have been accompanied by a growing number of people who think their opinions are always right and that anyone who disagrees is not only wrong but worthy of contempt and public ridicule.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It is a shame that, in today's politics, expressing doubt is taboo. Consider the great thinkers throughout history. Many have been branded heretics for publicly voicing scepticism. Those who have sought truth, whether philosophers or scientists, artists or writers, revolutionaries or explorers, have always begun their quests from a premise of doubt, not certainty. Their questions most often ran counter to the prevailing wisdom or authorities of the day.

Copernicus asked whether the Earth really was at the centre of the universe. Martin Luther asked whether the Catholic Church was the only route to salvation. Thomas Jefferson asked why Americans couldn't govern themselves. Mary Wollstonecraft asked why women shouldn't have equal rights. Nelson Mandela asked why blacks weren't entitled to the same privileges as whites. To elevate certainty over doubt as a mark of intellectual strength flies in the face of historical experience, which has repeatedly shown that the application of a questioning mind is the best way to wisdom and insight.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

...climate change is an area in which we should allow room for doubt. The weight of scientific and political opinion backs the existence of human-induced climate change. When there is such universal agreement, doubters have an important role to play, both in terms of the science and the policy responses. Constructive sceptics (as opposed to ideological zealots) will be able to force our politicians and scientists to keep testing the evidence and exploring the options. That should lead to better outcomes for all of us.

The rest of Sales' excellent essay is definitely worth a read.

The Professional Idiot celebrates his ever expanding American audience :

And thank you yet again: May set a new record on this blog for page impressions - 1,352,994

Scoring links on extremely popular American 9/11 Truther sites like Alex Jones' Prison Planet...



....and the 'Holocaust skeptic' site WhatReallyHappened.com....



...can really help boost those page impressions stats.

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Andrew Bolt's Hero Is An "Obscene" "Sexist" Pig Who Shows Demented Pictures To Children

By Darryl Mason

The Herald Sun's Andrew Bolt, or The Professional Idiot as he's known around these parts, loves, absolutely loves, Gordon Ramsay.

Why? Because Gordon Ramsay personifies "conservative values".

It's not simply admiration, it's also infatuation :

"...I've fallen for the bloke. My kind of guy completely. More of him and civilisation is safe."

"I like particularly the standards Ramsay upholds...."

"He thinks reason beats irrational sentiment."

"Here's Ramsay coaching millions of Australians into Liberal values and making them seem contemporary."

"Ramsay...is an artist who uses them as tools to create something beautiful from nothing..."

"Make something of yourself, is his message. Test yourself. Find passion. Make a life and, in Ramsay's own passion, his values and his art, he has."

Good God, and then there's this :

"(Gordon Ramsay) creates a noble calling from a job, and a life from a collection of days."

Ramsay also shouts at a lot of women on TV, tries to humiliates them, hurls abuse and invective at women because he doesn't like the way they cook (how very 20th century of him), or more importantly, he doesn't like the way they look at him with eyes that say 'You are a fucking weak, weak man.'

So, this comes as no real surprise :

Foul-mouthed chef Gordon Ramsay has shocked a public audience by vilifying high profile Australian journalist Tracy Grimshaw in an obscene, sexist rant.

The putrid tirade, which included references to Grimshaw's looks, sexuality and depictions of her as a pig, shocked audiences who went to see the celebrity chef at the Good Food and Wine Show in Melbourne.

Ramsay told an audience of several thousand people that Grimshaw was "a lesbian"...

When the crowd reacted with gasps, he said: "What? I'm not saying she's a ..."

The phrase that Ramsay used was a highly derogatory term often used to describe lesbians.

Ramsay also showed a picture of a woman - who appeared to be naked - on her hands and knees with the features of a pig and multiple breasts.

"That's Tracy Grimshaw," he told the audience. "I had an interview with her yesterday - holy crap.

"She needs to see Simon Cowell's Botox doctor."

Ramsay even showed his 'art' to children walking by.

Mandy Saunders was at the food expo with her two children and elderly mother.

"I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing - it was disgusting," Ms Saunders said.

"The show is meant for families. That was way out of order."

If Channel Nine valued Tracey Grimshaw as a journalist, a quality interviewer, and respected her as the host of their flagship current affairs program, they'd tell Gordon Ramsay to go and fuck himself, forever.

They won't of course.

The honour of Tracey Grimshaw, as a journalist, as a woman, means nothing to this kind of media.

Gordon Ramsay must be absolutely plowing through bags and bags of methamphetamine these days.

Still.

Presumably, that's what he'll end up blaming.


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This Is Why Supermarkets Don't Put The Eggs With The Milk With The Bacon

Wah, of Club Wah, goes shopping :

This is what supermarkets do. They fuck with your mind and keep moving things so you go in to buy bacon and eggs and while negotiating a maze to find them you end up with a trolley full of shit you had no intention of buying. Indeed as I traipsed through Coles looking for the fucking eggs I did see things that I needed, but through fuck you Coles you’re not getting an extra cent out of me today – though I did grab some orange juice when I went that way in search of eggs.

By the time I was asked at the check out “do you want Flybuys?” and then “would you like to join FlyBuys?” I had given up on life.

Wah did enjoy the eventual breakfast, however.


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What Is This 'The Left" You Speak So Often Of?

I'm glad you asked.

There has been a lot of talk at The Orstrahyun, over the years, about The Left. Or The Evil Pagan Left. Or The Evil Lefty Green Pagan Nazi CommoObamaist Lefty Lefty Left.

And there has been little, if any, explanation of what this clearly dangerous and volatile entity actually is.

I could write a couple of thousand words on it, that would not be a problem, I could piss on absolute crap to such a gagging word count that when you're reading this on Sunday afternoon (or Monday morning) you will look at "I'm glad you asked" and then scroll down and down and down and see thick paragraph after thick paragraph of twaddle n' glut and think, 'For Fuck's Sake! Get to the fucking point you verbose bastard!'

But I and you don't have to go through any of that now because Grods has done all that for me, and you, so I can just link to this instead.

This Is What 'The Left!' Stands For'.

At 2.45am on a Sunday morning, Wah, of Club Wah, has come up with the best tirade of a definition so far :

"The Left is anyone who is not a fucktard, racist, xenophobic, climate change-denying, homophobic, “pro-life”, ultra-capitalist, neo-conservative, hate-mongering cunt!"

Close and good enough for me.

The Chaser Is Not "The Media", You Morons




By Darryl Mason

Australia's most boring columnist, Gerard Henderson, has long thought satirical ABC show The Chaser is not comedy television but "The Media".

Incredibly, the editor of The Australian now also thinks The Chaser is "the media". No, really. He does. The editor of The Australian newspaper can't tell the difference between A Current Affair and a comedy show full of made-up nonsense and occasionally cutting social and political satire. He thinks The Chaser, like 2GB or the Sydney Morning Herald or The Australian is part of "The Media"and so therefore must be hammered by the ABC's Media Watch :

For weeks, Media Watch, the in-house organ of the ABC's opinion makers, has bagged management over a broadcast computer system that is slow to settle in. But now presenter Jonathan Holmes and his team have a superior scandal they can chase hard next Monday night - The Chaser's dour and disgraceful sketch that mocked the wishes of dying children and the people who love them.

Then again, maybe it's easy for the editor of The Australian to confuse The Chaser with real "media". After all, The Chaser has covered the Iraq War, and the 'War on Terror', over the years, with a savage honesty that The Australian shied completely away from.

Plus, The Chaser did once have a newspaper.


And so The Chaser caved in, or were likely forced to, and just like The Glass House and The Gruen Transfer before it, the show will now fall under a new regime of increased censorship because people were upset by their reaction to a show that implicitly aims to provoke a reaction in a television era filled with the drab, the unchallenging, the politically correct, the grindingly bland.

The Chaser are clearly not happy about what's happened :

We want to make an apology for a sketch we created called “The Make a Realistic Wish Foundation”.

We’ve just heard from the ABC that they’re suspending the show for 2 weeks. We were keen to keep making the show, so we’re disappointed by the decision, and we don’t agree with it.

But that aside, we’d like to apologise. The piece was a very black sketch. Obviously too black. And we’re really sorry for the significant pain and anger we have caused.

Many people have asked how could we possibly think a sketch like that should go to air. We realize in hindsight that we shouldn’t have done it. We never imagined that the sketch would be taken literally.

We don’t think sick kids are greedy and we don’t think the Make a Wish Foundation deserves anything other than praise. It was meant to be so over-the-top that no one would ever take it seriously.

But we now understand the sketch didn’t come across as intended, and we take full responsibility for that. Now we’ve seen the impact of the piece we wish we’d thought it through better. There was no value in it that justifies the impact it’s clearly had on people whose grief or trauma is so great already. We should have considered that. We got it wrong. We’re sorry.

We'll be making no further comment at this time.

What else is there to say?

The Chaser's audience wanted 'The Boys' to keep pushing the limits of what they may or may not find funny, just how far 'The Boys' would be willing to go, for a laugh or a reaction, or something beyond the reaction most watch television with, a nonchalant 'Eh.'

Now The Chaser has most definitely found out what that limit is.

Dying Children.

Well, at least actors playing dying children.

Not so long ago, Australians could tell the difference.

ABC News : Australians Divided Over Censorship Of The Chaser

"We Were Confronted With The Iron Fist Of Middle Class Taste"

The all but lost, extremely loose, 1975 movie 'Pure Shit' gets a long overdue re-release.

Here's the trailer :



For its time, this was a wild movie, raw and dangerous and challenging, unlike most Australian movies today. Even the trailer rings a hell of a lot more true of junkie outlaw reality than anything we saw in two whole series of glammed-up Underbelly.

In an interview with Cinetology, Pure Shit director Bert Deling goes hard on the safe and non-offensive Australian film industry :

"It opens up a couple of interesting questions. It opens up the question of how it is that we have had a film funding organisation in Australia that for last 25 years has continued to make films no one wants to see.

"They are the same 12 or so people who made all this crap in the past that no one wants to see. They get hold of a hundred percent of all the governments’ money. In any other country, that would be considered to be a scandal!

"And you can see what the aim is - these f***ers who may have made two or three features, bland sort of things which get two weeks at some art house cinema here and never sell overseas, they want a big kill. They want to get a big budget film, and they’ll make that and then they’ll disappear, leaving the Australian film industry in a smoking ruin. I just don’t get it. They are going to smash it to pieces."

But Deling holds out hope that the low-budget digital movie revolution will deliver on its promise and potential :

"There’s gotta be something soon, like Pure Shit, where somebody wants to go out and make a film and doesn’t give a flying f*** what the middle class say. And they can do it. You could almost do it on a halfway decent credit card."

More on why boring people are killing the Australian movie industry :

"Right across the board we were confronted with the iron fist of middle class taste, and they’re the men and women who’ve been running the film industry. That’s why we get the sorts of films that we do – because they know what they’re gonna get. They’ve read the script, they know the director, they know the actors who’ve been cast. The film that they get is the film they wanted. And so they and their friends get to see a film they think is perfect, but nobody else does and no one wants to go!"

Great Interview

Go Hard Gerard Busts Another Evil Big Lefty Media Conspiracy

Or Not

By Darryl Mason

Australia's most boring columnist, Gerard Henderson, sniffs out yet another Big Left media conspiracy, one that has unfolded in suspicious silence, up until now.

For Gerard Henderson, a journalist with The Australian, Amanda Meade, initially appears to be in cahoots with God knows who else in the Big Left media ranks to conceal from Gerard Henderson the exact age of the 7.30 Report's Kerry O'Brien.

Gerard Henderson doesn't think birthdates published on Wikipedia or printed in those new-fangled print newspapers, are to be trusted. Google? Don't make Gerard laugh. For him, the only volume of biographical record is one that most people would be surprised to hear is still actually being published.

It's time for Go Hard Gerard to confront this awful Big Lefty conspiracy. It's time for his infamously bland and whiney e-mails to start flowing :

Excerpts :

Email From Gerard Henderson To Amanda Meade - 3 June 2009

Amanda

I would be grateful if you would advise precisely where Mr O’Brien’s date of birth is on the public record.

Kerry O’Brien does not cite a date of birth in his entry in Who’s Who in Australia. Moreover, the biographical details about Kerry O’Brien on the 7.30 Report’s website do not record either his age or the fact that he once worked for Gough Whitlam. So I ask: Where on the “public record” is there reference to Mr O’Brien’s age? Here’s hoping for a prompt response.

Best wishes

Gerard Henderson

* * * * *

Email From Amanda Meade To Gerard Henderson - 3 June 2009

Subject: O’Brien’s age: O’Brien willingly told us his age in 2006, see below. And his birthdate is on Wikipedia here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerry_O%27Brien_(journalist)

Article attached: “Milestones for the host we trust the most” - by Amanda Meade in The Australian 15 June 2006.

* * * * *

Email From Gerard Henderson To Amanda Meade - 3 June 2009

For someone who lectures others about journalistic standards, I am genuinely surprised that you regard Wikipedia as an authoritative source on the public record. It is nothing of the kind.

If Mr O’Brien wanted others to know his age he would put it in his Who’s Who entry (which he prepares) or arrange to have this material placed on the 7.30 Report website.

Gerard Henderson

* * * * *

Email From Amanda Meade To Gerard Henderson - 3 June 2009

Gerard

I did not rely on Wikipeda for my information, I simply point it out to you as one source. O’Brien told me his birth date in the interview, and I [sic] it is certainly not a state secret. By the way, you [sic] age is not in your bio either.

* * * * *

Email From Gerard Henderson To Amanda Meade - 3 June 2009

Amanda

You are shifting ground. In “The Diary” on Monday you wrote that Kerry O’Brien’s age is on the public record. When I asked you where this information could be located on the public record, your only reference was to Wikipedia.

You should be aware that the principal source of biographical data in Australia is Who’s Who in Australia. If you bothered to check this, you would know that my date of birth is published in Who’s Who.

So basically Go Hard Gerard's beef is that he thought he had to reveal his age in Who's Who Of Australia, and included, but Kerry O'Brien realised a date-of-birth wasn't mandatory, so he didn't include it.

So what does this have to do with journalist Amanda Meade? Absolutely sweet fuck-all.

Amanda Meade puts it more succcinctly.

Email From Amanda Meade To Gerard Henderson - 3 June 2009

This is so boring and tedious.

I will say only this: Kerry O’Brien is 63 and I know this because he told me wen [sic] he was born in a profile interview. That fact was published in the Oz, which makes it on the public record.

* * * * *

Email From Gerard Henderson To Amanda Meade - 3 June 2009

I don’t intend to continue the correspondence. But I would recommend that in future you have a glance at Who’s Who which does provide birth dates, where they are submitted, on the public record. If Kerry O’Brien did this he would not need you as his apologist.

Best wishes

Gerard Henderson

What a silly old bastard he is.

Go Hard Gerard is not put off at all by being told he's boring and tedious. He's used to that.

This is how the boss of supposedly Australia's (at least once) most influential think-tank, The Sydney Institute, passes his days.

And this is yet another example of why old people should be given free video games. Immediately. They keep the mind busy, while reducing the amount of annoyance the bored elderly, like Gerard, cause to people with better things to do than to be drawn into nonsensical e-mail arguments about absolutely nothing of any consequence.

Go Hard Gerard Doesn't Like Kerry O'Brien. At All

Gerard Henderson Fantasies About The Chaser 'Boys' Getting Their Throats Cut

Stop It, Gerard, Your Tongue Can't Get Any Browner

Stop Laughing At The Chaser's APEC Stunt, Demands Gerard, Terrorism Isn't Funny

Loser Conservatives Can't Stop Whining